Beneath the surface cast in stone
rock surrounded
all alone
Breath escapes not undetected
signs of life
where least suspected
Light above and open air
my eyes are closed
why should I care?
They'll likely leave me with the others
marble sisters
granite brothers
Oddities for rare remark
not daily view
in grassy park
Our signs of life are but a semblance
and you fear
a close remembrance
Here below away from land
you cannot breathe
while trapped in sand
And yet an exile from the shore
my breath continues
10 comments:
nice...there's a great flow to this..and so much beneath the surface..i like that you gave them a voice..
Hauntingly beautiful. It brings to mind a ship wreck - once loved individuals and objects that, with time, have become fleeting thoughts rather than remembrances of future generations.
Nicely done rhyme and meter. This is a haunting piece. I particularly like, 'signs of life where least suspected' Isn't it often that way?
very beautifully written..x
really a nice cadence to this...def haunting is a great word for this...in exile...under water yet still breathing evermore...
Very well done. Please continue.
An interesting and thoughtful take on the prompt. And the easy rhythm and rhyme a welcome change from the masses of unrhythmic, unrhymed imitation 'free verse'
I like the rhythm and seamless rhymes of this poem.
=)
Yes, yes the ebb and flow of your poem are magic!
Beautiful thoughts expressed through a lovely rhyme.
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